wow i totally forgot i even had this.... thats how busy things have been.  Its amazing how fast time seems to go by but when you look back its like wow sooo very much has happend.  I have finsished by first semester of college and it feels so weird that time def flew by.  I am not in my sorority ASA def the best thing ever.  I have some of the best sisters and def the best big sis who has def kept me going through everything i don't know how i would be if i  did not have her.  I know have a boyfriend which at the start was weird for i swore to myself i was to hate guys ALL guys for a very long time.  But i dont hate him not really at all and for a lil bt that def bugged me but now it just makes me happy.  Its really awesome for he totally repsects me and its great to have that becasue at college guys dont have all the much respect for girls.  Other than being busy nothing was going on.  well that was until somthing really horible happend to my best pledge sister in the sorority.  I def helped her out and the drs told me if it was not for me she would of died, i am not going to get into what happend for it is not my thing to tell not this time.  But it was hard for me to face it for it was somthing that i was trying not to face for myself.  when i was looking at her it was like is that what i looked like acted???  But for now i can say i am doing better i eally am and trying to help and be strong for her becasue i know that is what she needs.   When i got to thinking i now see that i am alot stronger than i was in the summer and i def am not the person i was before i am not always hurt and wounded i am learning to be fine and i think i am.  I have def let alot of people in and i can say i trust many people now and i am happy so i would say my  first semester def was a good one even if my grades don't show it exactly i am still doing well and its only going to get better.  Well time for bed for the boyfriend is comming to see me tormorrow !!!! YAY

WOW i dont even know what to say.  It amazing to me how i made things seem ok.  They really are not ok not even close.  It seems like i just have been keeping myself so busy i try not to think about all the bad stuff that happend and they stupid stuff i am doing.  It really sucks casue there is one person here who i truly love love and that is my big sister in the soriety Vicki she is like amazing but i feel like all i ever do is let her down.  I mean i have been so busy doing stuff for the soriety and then hanging out with all my new friends i did not have time to think about how i was feeling.  but i am sad and mad and angry and upset.  Just casue i was not thinking about it did not mean it did not happen. I saw a movie and she was raped and it and it made me sad and i dont know now i feel like shit

wow it seems likw forever since i have writen and its because things are so crazy.  I am going insane and i just want some things to end already.  Pledging is this horrible mess to be in and i feel like sometimes it is just soooo stupid.  I really really want to get my big sister in the soriety then again i only want one person to be it and if she is not it i will just break down and cry casue we are sooooo close i am not sure what i would do with out her.  so it makes me feel so nervous waiting to find out.  Also my best pledge sister is dropping out and not joining becasue of reasons i can not control but it makes me really mad casue i can not stand my other pledge sisters olike really i cant!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah andrew has been annoying the heck out of me i am trying to break it off but her cant seem to get the point so yeah its like ummmmmm i dont know what to do i just hate feeling like tied down.  HUMMMMM i turned 19 and i had a really fun time at the sig tau house for my b day!!!! it was fun and jeff and my mommy came up to see me that was cool.   Homecomming is next weekend and so it is going to be such a busy busy time.  Things are just insane right now i am trying to get them under control and its not working so well...  but i am comming home for fall break casue we are having an 80 bithday party for my grandma hahaha well its 2 am and i'm still awake hahaha but no really its 2 so time for bed write more later

hummmm what to say i mean i have been sooooo busy just like kind of working myself thin.  eveerything with my pledging process and alot of the sisters being really stupid.  Girls from my pledge class getting in trouble for no reason but when one person is in trouble we all are.  I am working my ass off and its like right now it does not matter and it makes me mad.  All the paurties i go too and stufff like yes it is fun very fun.  But i just see that they are not my real real freinds and it hurts.   I mean yes they are fun and they like hanging out with me but they dont know really anything about me.  my b day is comming up and it makes me sad that i dont get to spend it with people who love me.  Like laur val kris even jeff i know i dissapoint him when i am always out.   I just want to be with people i know who really know me.  Like i am having fun adn there are amazing people here but i dont know them like i know my other freinds and its hard to know them know them when the only time you see them is when they are drunk and i am helping them back from the parties and nstuff.  I dont know i juts needed to cry and llet it out i am STRESSED and sad and soooo busy i never get to talk to the people that i love!!!! thats it for now i have a "social mettting" byeeesss